The spectacle that is Super Bowl Sunday

What’s odd is that when I was a kid, growing up in the serene countryside of Southern England, I adored American Football. Every single Sunday night I’d patiently wait for one-time Atlanta Falcons kicker and former-Brit-from-the-NFL Mick Luckhurst and…that other bloke, the one with the beard, to give us a concise breakdown of the week’s action and show us the best game from the last seven days. I went to see at least three or four American Bowl games at Wembley Stadium and I used to subscribe to Gridiron UK magazine and Touchdown weekly newspaper.

I had to actually come to America to hate American Football.

The problem was that Channel 4 had a limited time slot. It was a miracle that they showed it at all, but the program was only 60 minutes in length and that included the weekly results, round ups of the best plays and the best game of the week, not to mention Channel 4’s own commercial slots. That’s a lot to cram into an hour…and as you probably know, a game of American Football lasts significantly more than an hour.

Back then, the game somehow seemed more…magical. The most trouble a player got into was being fined for violating the NFL’s dress code or mooning journalists. Both of these mischievous misdemeanors were courtesy of the irreplaceable Jim McMahon, quarterback for the Chicago Bears (1982-1988). These days however, the NFL is rife with domestic violence between players and their partners, little wonder when you think how many anabolic steroids are clearly being taken.

American Football peaked in the UK during the mid 80s and Super Bowl XX had a huge effect in the UK with over four million watching the game in January 1986. If it wasn’t for a new generation, a lanky lamebrain from Bolton and recent attempts to make the sport popular again, most of England would probably still only support a handful of teams.

If you’re British and your age starts with “4” and you care even a whit, it’s more than likely the Bears or Dolphins or maybe the 49ers or Redskins. But if you’re in your late 20s or early 30s, oddly, it’s probably nobody specific.

At a time when English soccer was a miserable bloody sport with strategic tendencies toward the dull, boring and defensive – plus a hooliganism problem where a trip to a stadium meant the possibility of getting pummeled – along came American Football, this brand-new, exciting, colourful sport that you knew nothing about.

We were wowed by the skills of Joe Theismann and Joe Montana, the girls loved Dan Marino and the boys wanted to be Jim McMahon. The Bears especially showed a never-before-seen, larger than life personality and in the case of William “The Refrigerator” Perry, it was quite literally true. (McMahon is the guy who would moon a press helicopter before Super Bowl XX from the Bear’s practice field.)

The problem was that we got highlights and even then, the attention span of a 14-year-old can only be retained for so long. Granted the game has changed significantly with higher stakes, more controversy and players that behave like they’ve overdosed on BZ, but condensing the best of the week into 60-or-so scintillating minutes meant we didn’t have to endure so much stop-and-start and nowhere near as many commercial breaks.

If the UK had shown NFL on TV in real time, I seriously don’t think it would’ve been so popular. It was certainly a refreshing change and I have no doubt it would’ve enjoyed some success, but not as much as it did.

Now I’m actually living in the USA and have been for a few years, I find the whole thing mind-numbing. I can’t imagine how anyone can possibly stay riveted to a game where the ball is only in play for an average of about 11 minutes, yet the game lasts over three hours.

According to a study by the Wall Street Journal, as many as 75 minutes, or about 60% of the total air time, excluding commercials, is spent on shots of players huddling, standing at the line of scrimmage or just generally milling about between snaps. And of course at least an hour in total is taken up by commercials. I suspect it’s much, much more during the Super Bowl.

The amount of money spent, hype generated and energy expelled for less than 15 minutes of actual game play seems to me to be ridiculous. I’ll give it another go this year, since the whole country seems to be caught up with it…and yes, I will get all excited again at kick off, but I just know I’ll be asleep before half-time. I’d far rather watch rugby any day of the week and 10 times on Sunday.

 

Nicky Horne. That was the bloke with the beard.